This is the first time I’ve ever talked about this…

Today is my son Michael and his wife Arequila’s 8th wedding anniversary. 

I should know that date but I didn’t… I wasn’t there. I got reminded on the social media. 

I couldn’t tell you when my other son Micah and His wife Devin got married… I’ve seen it on Facebook and I wish them the best but I wasn’t there either.. Why

Being selfish… Being a comedian. Being a company man. Plain and simple

Most people know me well enough to know I’m an open book. What I can’t articulate audibly,  I write. I don’t write for anything else but to get it off my chest. 

My sons are my what most or some people call “stepsons” along with their brother David. They were part of the package, it was made clear at the beginning and I was all in plus I wanted boys anyway. Their mom and I had a daughter together, their sister Chelsea. I was at her wedding. 

I wasn’t a comedian while I was married to their mom.

Sometimes you don’t catch a mistake until much, much later. 

Both their weddings of course on Saturdays were when I was booked on shows. Never gave it much thought… Told them  I was sorry I couldn’t make it, didn’t tell em nor did I even consider at the time or until today that  I put these comedy clubs first… Over my children… Fuckin sad. 

We never raised our kids to be “step” anything. Just our kids. 

I failed them in other ways but on this one, possibly the biggest day of their lives I failed them both… miserably 

They have to my knowledge ever held a grudge, said a word about it. Just went on with their lives and still includes me on it… Such good men.

I married a woman with 3 kids, boys… And was totally fine with it, best thing I’ve ever done in my life even though the marriage didn’t last. I’d do it all over again… Would change a couple things but not about any of them, just me.

No excuses… 

Any comedian will tell you, as a virtual unknown,  you take the dates when the clubs call. You can’t pay your bills if you don’t work. You cancel a date you may not be invited back. It’s a difficult and different type of entertainment. Musicians can book any number bars, clubs, restaurants etc… There’s only so many comedy clubs. Yeah its pressure but I shoulda stood up to it… For my kids…. I’m ashamed about it now

So I’m saying I’m sorry… To my sons. I shoulda been a better man for you… Period

I don’t blame comedy, I still love it, but the sacrifices can be devastating and I never really felt it until today. I don’t even blame the clubs or bookers… It’s all on me this one… 

The good news is that “I get it” now… Hopefully somehow it ain’t too late to make it up to them and even though they’re grown up I got a different view of what I thought they meant to me and what they really do mean to me. They (the kids) have done soooooo much more for me than I have for them. 

Along with their mother I musta done something right… They still call me “dad”…

…and I never even questioned why they shouldn’t until today… So selfish 

My point I guess is whatever time I got left this will stay with me. Our relationship is just fine and that is a testament to the type of men they are. 

I’m the blessed one to have em… Jus sayin…

Author: Spanky Brown

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1 Comment

  1. Do you know what makes a good man? Seeing his mistakes and doing what he can to correct them. You realizing this and admitting it to your children is a great example of a man taking responsibility for his actions.

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